sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
