Plan B is the new Plan A
one might say we're banned from that church
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
