i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
