walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
