chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Say something about gay babies.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to sanitize my soul.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
