uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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