We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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