Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize