he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
