after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
