i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
