He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
