Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
