He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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