i just had sex bonerless
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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