We won't sleep together?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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