In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
