the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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