i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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