i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
