I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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