I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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