Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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