Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
