forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
