highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
