Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
