I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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