my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize