Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize