Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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