The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
