I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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