and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
