The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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