We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize