So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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