I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
