No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
