While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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