some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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