I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
