I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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