OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
