theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize