He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
