Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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