I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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