I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
