Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
