we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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