my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
