mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you had me at cake vodka
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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