Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
