im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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