Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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