I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
