What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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