Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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