It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
