mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
