peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
